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Charter Schools, Christchurch / Canterbury Schools, Education, Funding Schools, GERM (Global Education Reform Movement), Maori & Pasifika Education, New Zealand, Partnership Schools, Privatisation of state schools, School Funding, SOSNZ

The John Banks School for Errant Maori and Polynesian South Auckland Lads (Ltd)

St John of Banks

School Logo?

Dear John,

So yesterday, June 4th 2013, the Education  Amendment Act 2012 was passed and charter schools became legal in New Zealand.  Nice work.

It was a good move to get your pal Catherine Isaac to chair the panel so they could ignore all advice and submissions and push them through.  Clever.

And a big high five for getting The Maori Party to fall for it.  Hahahaha, I did have a good titter at that one.

Somewhere in Epsom...

Somewhere in Epsom…

So funny that they forgot that you  said quite proudly on TV that If we continue the bankrupt response of just paying young Polynesian, young Maori men in South Auckland the dole to sit in front of TV, smoke marijuana, watch pornography and plan more drug offending and more burglaries, then we’re going to have them coming through our windows regardless of whether we live in Epsom or anywhere else in greater Auckland.” 

Pfffst, it’s not your fault if they forget stuff like that.

Anyway, I’ve heard that every Maori or Polynesian man in South Auckland is stoked to hear you are so keen to save them, so let’s get cracking and set up this school.

The John Banks School for Errant Maori and Polynesian South Auckland Lads (Ltd)

Now I know what you’re thinking, John.  You’re worrying that you don’t have any background in education.  But it’s okay – you don’t have to been trained in education to run or work in charter schools.  No, nothing at all.  You just have to convince the panel to say yes to your plan, and seeing as we’ve got Catherine and Hekia in our pockets, we’re in!

Lucky that, eh John?

You can make up your own curriculum, your own school day and term times, hire some warm bodies to pretend to be teachers, and make a killing!

I’m thinking we could just print some lesson plans off the internet and get nice looking people to teach those.  That should be quite cheap.

The poor South Auckland lads will never notice, anyway – far too drugged up.  No it’s true, I heard a prominent politician say so on TV.

money showerAww Thanks Di, it’s a lovely idea – but is there any money in it?

Oh yes, John, there really is!

We get a nice handout from the government of hundreds of thousands of dollars to set up the premises – and we don’t have to return a red cent of it if we close the school.  Bonza.

I think we should maybe choose one of those well kitted out schools in Christchurch that are about to become available.  I’ve heard one of them has a $1 million plus upgrade just 2 years ago, and I bet we can get it mega cheap.  We can always say we don’t want them just sitting there like those schools in Invercargill, eh?

What else?  Well the students will be funded as decile 3, and the funding for things like special needs and ICT won’t have to be spent on those things so we can with that whatever we like!  We don’t need to bother with those pesky tricky things Dyslexia or Autism or speaking Te Reo or Samoan or anything.  Yeah, nah, just filter out anyone hard to teach like lots of the US charters do, and we can keep the cheaper kids.  The public system can get the more difficult ones back – that’ll be a hoot.  Take that trained teachers.  Hahaha.

Oh lord, I just thought, what if we get hungry kids?  Can you get your staff to whip up some eggs bene for them to share? No?  Oh man, well best get that Weetbix lined up, then.  But still send the eggs –  we claim that on expenses. I doubt we would we have to declare it, eh?

CBEMoney money money … it’s a rich man’s world

Ooooh I’ve had another great idea…  We could hire ABBA to teach the kids.  Oh, no, sorry I got a bit off track there.

This is what I was really thinking.  Maybe we could call this principal in the UK who used school money to hire her mates, claimed expenses more than once from different organisations, gave contracts to businesses she was close to, and used funds to pay for taxis costing well over $6000.  She’d be able to give us tips for making the most of those tax dollars!

It’s okay, we can do all that and everyone will still think we are fabulous.  I mean to say, that teacher was named head teacher of the year at the 2007 Teaching Awards and appointed CBE, so all good, I’ll get our people to talk to her people.

If she’s unavailable, we could call the Charter Schools guys who conned US$17 million of taxes from Oregon.  They were even more cunning because they pretended their schools were not for-profit (aww bless their faux charitable socks) and “ran a chain of taxpayer-funded charter schools under the guise of a nonprofit named EdChoices, “submitted false, incomplete and misleading records about how many students were enrolled in the schools and how they were spending the state’s money.” ”  Cunning.

shhhhh...

shhhhh…

What if we’re rumbled?

No, don’t worry about what to do if we’re caught out.  When charter school fraudsters are investigated they don’t hang about.  Once the cash cow is rumbled we can just close the school like these guys.  It’ll leave students and teachers with nowhere to go, but overheads gone! Easy!

We would be investigated, but you could nudge the police not to investigate this one, either.  You seem to be good at that.

Try not to be like these guys, who get caught AND prosecuted, though…

Man alive! Google threw me 2.8 million hits for “charter school fraud” so we’d have to be careful in case anyone is onto this scam.

But no, no, don’t think about that – if anyone tries to get the facts out we can just say it’s all daft leftie mudslinging and get our mate Seal Meat to bash them on his blog.

It’ll be fine – just think of the money!

So what do you think, Banksy?  Shall we do it?  You and me?

The John Banks School for Errant Maori and Polynesian South Auckland Lads (Ltd) ?

~Dianne

About Save Our Schools NZ

"One needs to be slow to form convictions, but once formed they must be defended against the heaviest odds." Gandhi

Discussion

6 thoughts on “The John Banks School for Errant Maori and Polynesian South Auckland Lads (Ltd)

  1. Oh Dianne, so superbly written, and such a tragedy. I can’t think of another thing to say.

    Like

    Posted by Alison | June 5, 2013, 12:55 pm
  2. Banks may soon have an opportunity in jail to start a charter school

    Like

    Posted by DR | June 5, 2013, 2:35 pm
  3. This was very funny, but scary. What is our country coming to?

    Like

    Posted by Sharlene | June 5, 2013, 7:27 pm
  4. Of course trained teachers would NEVER accept payment should they fail to achieve the results expected of them.

    Isn’t it interesting that the Government still leaves children in the care of untrained teachers between the hours of 3pm and 9 am and during school holidays (their parents) and somehow these bumbling fools manage to educate their offspring.

    There is a lot of rhetoric and scaremongering going on from a sector of society who I think fears that their monopoly situation being undermined might expose them for what they are.

    Let’s review this blog in 5 years time and see if the predictions are realised, or whether your unspoken fears are really what is at stake there. (Maybe you should honestly own up to what you really fear).

    Like

    Posted by Grant | June 8, 2013, 9:54 am

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